In my previous post, I wrote about the cloak of dignity our Father wants to clothe us with. I explored the first of seven identity wounds the enemy uses to attack who we are in Christ—the stain and residue of shame. If you haven’t read it yet, I’d encourage you to start there. This post explores the second of the seven identity wounds.
2. Overcoming the Need to Be in Control
The enemy uses childhood fear, trauma, neglect, and abuse as opportunities to wound your identity with the “I’m powerless” lie. As this lie makes you feel absolutely unsafe, the enemy tempts you to grab hold of either one of two secondary lies: “I’m safe when I’m in control” or “I’m safe when I’m in compliance”.
Both are coping mechanisms for a deep sense of powerlessness. Those who are naturally organised and detail-oriented gravitate towards the “I’m safe when I’m in control” lie. Those who aren’t tend to grab for the “I’m safe when I’m in compliance” lie.
When we give in to these lies, we find our identity in our ability to control outcomes and manage people in a way that makes us feel safe. The controller takes charge before being asked, plans for every scenario, and refuses to leave anything to chance. The complier gives people what they want—an apology, obedience, agreement—so there’s never a reason for conflict.
The controller “stays safe” by being in control. The complier “stays safe” by keeping out of trouble.
The truth is, these strategies can’t truly keep you safe. Jesus said in Matthew 16:25: “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”
The Table of Dominance, Passive Compliance, and Manipulation
The enemy sets the table of dominance, passive compliance, and manipulation for those who’ve accepted the powerless-controlling identity. The food at this demonic table is self-preservation at any cost: “I will only lose temporarily if it means I can win in the long run.”
Every interaction at this table becomes a hidden and even a subconscious negotiation, fuelled by the need to avoid the sense of powerlessness lurking underneath. Here we will appeal to authority, force, pressure, intimidate, and shame others on the one side; or comply outwardly, refuse to take responsibility, shift blame, withdraw, play the victim, deceive, and withhold information, on the other.
At the root of these dynamics is another lie pair implicit in the others operating here: “I can only trust myself” and “I’m responsible to shape the reactions of others”.
The Father Wants to Restore Your Trust
Our Father is calling you to step away from this table of mistrust and self-preservation. He wants to heal your sense of powerlessness and dissolve the false control identity.
He wants you to sense, deep down within, that you have a good Shepherd looking out for you:
- He laid down His life and gave it for you.
- He then conquered death, to give you strength to both: let go in trust, and face challenge in trust.
- He will comfort your heart, heal your trauma, and give you strength to endure. All He asks is that you let go, accept what He allowed, and trust Him to work all things together for your good and your eventual reward.
- As your High Priest, He invites you to use the gift of pain and struggle, as the cry of your heart, to draw you into closer intimacy with Him.
- You are invited to trust Him with your pain, as He will bring forth His goodness and glory from suffering.
- He reminds you: You are not responsible for other people’s choices, only your own.
- He gives you the courage to own your decisions, as they are yours to make, and yours to answer for before Him.
- He invites you to abandon all outcomes to Him, accept what He allows, and trust Him to preserve your life in glory.
There’s no dignity in self-preservation, seeking what makes you feel safe, only to lose yourself and the life you were trying to preserve.
He offers you the dignity to voluntarily lay down your earthly life for the interests of heaven, investing it in Christ, so that at the end you will find your life in Him, preserved in glory.
Our Father is inviting you to come up higher and embrace the truth woven into the cloak of dignity: “I’m safe when surrendered to His faithfulness”.
You Are Invited to the Table of Yielded Autonomy and Mutual Discernment
Whoever wears the truth of SURRENDER, woven into the cloak of dignity, is invited to the table of yielded autonomy and mutual discernment.
At this table, we have all given our full allegiance to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. We have all taken up full responsibility for our own conscience, choices, and obedience before Him. And we stay open to the input of His body, and accountable to it.
Here, we don’t care for controlling conformity, avoidance of personal responsibility, or independent self-direction. Rather than deciding for each other, or quietly handing our conscience away to keep the peace, we listen. We weigh, and we test together. Each of us is still answerable to God. None of us carries the answer alone.
When someone chooses to cling to sin and self-deception, this table won’t hide it in the dark with them. They will have to face the light—or walk away from those who won’t stop offering it to them.
If you choose to fellowship at this table, you are called to invite others, and to live a life of yielded autonomy yourself. That’s a life that draws others through your example and helpful service, not through control.
Becoming Representatives of Trust
When the enemy attacks and triggers a sense of powerlessness in you, receive Dignity’s truth: “I’m safe when surrendered to His faithfulness”. Stay calm, take a deep breath, and ask Him how He would have you respond in a godly, uncontrolling, and uncompromising way.
When others are struggling to let go of the powerless-controlling identity, invite them to surrender to God their fears, hopes, and preconceived assumptions of what is right. Invite them to trust God to work in the right people’s hearts. Invite them to trust Him to secure the outcome He sees fit—even if it’s a painful one. Invite them to weigh relevant information against God’s wisdom—openly, without anxiety, with real curiosity.
Be available to help people consider relevant information in light of Scripture. Help them process through things, and discern together what God might be saying.
Important Note From Gideon
This series took way longer to write than I expected. I sat down to explore identity wounds in general. But the Lord kept opening up more detail.
I began to see how these wounds fit a much larger blueprint: the seven days of creation, each representing an area of our lives He wants to heal and restore. What started as one post is becoming something bigger—seven areas, following the same pattern we build this blog and our SPIRIT-GYM TRAINING course around.
For now, I need to turn my attention to the training material for our pre-launch. The remaining five areas will have to wait. I haven’t decided yet whether they’ll become future blog posts, or take shape within SPIRIT-GYM TRAINING itself.
Either way, I don’t want you to miss it. Subscribe below, and I’ll let you know as soon as the next post is ready. I’ll also let you know when the course opens for its free pre-launch.
